


The One Where Eden Is Absolutely Lousy With Uneaten Sheep

by Nevcolleil



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:28:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28408503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nevcolleil/pseuds/Nevcolleil
Summary: Alternative Title: "It Really WasAdam&Steve(Gabriel & Sam)"Sam’s mind is filled with the panic of having done something so horrible- He’s done something so inconceivably terrible, it makes his raising the devil that one time pale by comparison. Seriously. What kind of life is this that raising the devil is the second to worst thing he’s ever done?
Relationships: Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	The One Where Eden Is Absolutely Lousy With Uneaten Sheep

**Author's Note:**

> (Don't ask me. I'll be over here praying for forgiveness.)

“Oh my God… _Oh my God_ …”

“You know, you might want to lay off the ‘thy name in vain’ there, Sammy. As much as He hates it back home? He reeeaally hates it around here.”

Gabriel is only joking, but Sam can’t hear him. Sam’s mind is filled with the panic of having done something so _horrible_ \- He’s done something so _inconceivably_ terrible, it makes his raising the devil that one time pale by comparison. _Seriously._ What kind of life is this that raising the devil is the _second to worst_ thing he’s ever done?

“Sam, it’s fine,” Gabriel says, somberly for once. Or- As somber as an archangel can sound while lying naked amongst the fig leaves. “It would have happened eventually. It _had_ to happen, or else you wouldn’t have been born. And that Eve- She can _eat_. Who can blame her? These are really good apples.”

He takes a bite out of one as if to prove his point.

Sam moans in despair. He would so put his clothes back on right now if Gabriel hadn’t zapped them away the moment they’d ended up here.

“You did this _on purpose_ ,” Sam accuses. “You- _How could you-_ ” How could a Trickster god… who kills people for sport… con him into aiding and abetting the eternal damnation of the human species? Sam stops talking, not because he’s too choked up to speak, but because the _stupid_ is strangling him. He is _literally_ the dumbest man in creation at this point.

‘Way to go, Sammy,’ his internal Dean-voice says.

“I did _not_ ,” Gabriel insists, his indignant voice making an appearance. Sadly, he actually sounds sincere. “I was aiming for immediately _post-_ damnation. How was _I_ supposed to know Eve hadn’t done the deed already? The sky was all dark when we got here, and the lambs weren’t bleating- I tell you what, we did Adam and Eve a _favor_. Those fricking lambs are a _nuisance_. There are, like, thousands of them. Bleating all the time. Frolicking like _idiots_ , ‘cause the lions don’t eat them. I bet the big man didn’t consider that aspect of this whole perfect peace scenario. Eden is _infested_ with noisy sheep.”

Sam shakes his head. This is too much. He sits, resignedly, among the fig leaves and the apple cores next to Gabriel. There isn’t anything he can do. Gabriel pulled every Enochian trick in the book to shield their presence here, even from God (‘Luci’s lessons were good for something,’ Gabriel said.) Even if Sam ran to the side of the Garden where God can be heard scolding Adam and Eve, in a voice so booming it can be heard from every corner of Paradise (and disbelieving of Adam and Eve’s dual claims that they did not eat from the Tree of Knowledge - Sam feels soooo bad about that)- Even if Sam ran over there and tried to confess, God wouldn’t be able to hear him.

“Just get us out of here,” Sam says.

“Aw, don’t be like _that,_ ” Gabriel tells him, putting down his half-eaten apple (it’s his fifth; they really are good apples - or would be if they weren’t evil). “I wanna stick around and see what He says when he finds the nipple clamps.”

Sam looks at him sharply. “What?”

“ _What_ what?” Gabriel asks. “Did you think stuff like that magically disappears itself after you traipse off across the Garden and leave it? Clean up is Joshua’s job and _trust_ me, I know Joshua.” Gabriel chuckles. “No way he isn’t turning those bad boys over to the boss.”

Sam sinks his head into his hands.

Somewhere in Hell, Lucifer is wiping a tear from his eye.

“That’s my boy,” he says proudly.


End file.
